Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work.
Today,I stayed home for much of the day as we had a rainy day.It was rainy all day and I just felt that it would be best to stay home and simply catch up on some much needed work that needed to be done around the house.I was just feeling bored and there really wasn't much to do,so I simply caught up on some much needed work that needed to be done.After the work was done,I relaxed and took it easy and I simply watched a DVD that I put into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues to move forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It never gets easier day after day,or at times,minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.My moods and/or emotions vary and at times,it does get pretty tiresome,frustrating and draining.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggles seems to be getting way too difficult or overwhelming for me to handle.I simply bring this struggle to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,put everything in their hands when it starts to get really tough and I have them take the lead and they both help in sustaining me.They show me,in their own way,that they are there leading the way and making sure that I stay level and clam.They also help quiet any noises and/or hallucinatory effects that are the symptoms of having schizophrenia and also,the ups and downs of BPD.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last long.I turned to my left side when it happened and though it was slow,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape this particular episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed when I manipulated my genitals to sexual images of men that were clouding my mind,but I did manage to stop myself before it went too far and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him.I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in even more fantasies and lusting after other men and ti manipulate my genitals to these images.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ throughout the day as these terrible temptations kept coming at me from all sides.It is a difficult fight that I have struggling with the terrible SSA,but I can't let the unnatural desires that I have dictate nor define who I am nor who I will be.I have to constantly let these desires that I have know that I own them and not let them own me.I am going to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ each and every time I get tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have come in any way,shape of form.I am also again asking that all of you please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this really trying and difficult emotional time.Please continue in prayer for me as I am going through all of this.I also ask that all you leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please don't be shy when visiting and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle and that motivates me to continue in my determination to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ