Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I headed out to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group.Before all of that,I had to met with a counselor to finish up my resume by updating it with my current phone number and to also sign some papers that I have to sign each and every month.
The group meeting went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed over to the local public works department to drop off an old microwave oven for proper recycling and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed.I also finished my personal PC work.After that,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or sometimes,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about my BPD/Schizophrenia struggles with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I don't have anything to worry about nor fear when it comes to my mental health struggles and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to indulge in masturbation during the wee early morning hours when another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.The urge to masturbate the erection away was really overwhelming and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.I got up out of bed and I walked to the bathroom as I had to go really bad.While walking there,the erection started to soften and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and also,back to sleep.Though I did escape this particular episode,I did give into two later temptations at two separate intervals,one in the morning after getting up for the day and later in the early afternoon.On both intervals,sexual images of men had clouded my mind and the temptations to lust after them and fantasize with them also came at me and I actually gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitalia to these images on both occasions,but I did manage to stop myself before going too far in both of these falls and on both occasions,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and I prayed real hard as I did feel miserable after giving into these two terrible temptations.I prayed real hard and I felt better after both of these as I truly believed that God had heard me,forgave me and wiped the slate clean of my sins.This is a very difficult struggle as it gets even more difficult by the day.This week has been very emotionally trying for me as I had to go through a mildly painful procedure at the urology associates office within another area of the county where I live and the anxiety and fear of finding out if there is something wrong or not.Plus,sharing my medical problems with someone that I know who always keeps making obnoxious and immature sexual themed jokes rather than give me some support and encouragement that I am truly seeking whenever I share any problems that I have.The temptations have really been coming at me from all sides as of late and I really don't know whether I am coming or going or what I will do if they get worse.These temptations even include the all too common temptation of going out to seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have stated time and time again,I simply and willfully choose to stay home whenever that particular temptation rears it ugly head rather than going out and feeding it,which will never give me what I want no way no how.I am again asking that all of you keep praying for me as I am going through this very difficult emotionally trying time and also,I would really appreciate some encouraging words in the comments section please.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments of any kind.Please don't be shy and leave some encouraging words for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue diligently in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ