Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,despite some setbacks.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance for the month and after that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries that I bought away and I headed over to a friend's place to see how they were doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to fold all of my laundry up and put it away and it took me 20 minutes to do.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,despite some setbacks,I am still in my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or on other days,from one minute/moment to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It does make me feel a little better knowing that God and Christ are leading the way and that is good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and I walked to the bathroom as I had to use it.The erection had fully softened once I was finished in the bathroom.I went right back to sleep afterwards.Though I did escape this particular episode,I did give into a later temptation by manipulating my genitals to lustful and sexual images of men clouding my mind,but managed to stop myself before it went too far and immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and I repeatedly begged for his mercy while praying.After that,I felt much better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that the slate was wiped clean.Throughout the rest of the day,I was tempted to indulge in Homosexual themed fantasies and lusting and to manipulate my genitals along to those fantasies and lusting.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all day as they kept coming at me and I did feel much better and much stronger after doing so.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one at all.Temptations can come when least expected and when they do come,it is very difficult to resist them.Aside from indulging in lustful fantasies with sexual images of men,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply,willfully and usually choose to stay home when that particular temptation comes around.If I am out when that particular temptation comes around,I try to change my frame of mind by going somewhere until the temptation dies down or I will head for home and try to think of wholesome and healthy thoughts to get my mind off of anything sexual with men.I am really going through a really difficult time in my life,as I had to have tests done on me to see what could be wrong with me,as to why I was going through the difficulties of the frequent bathroom going and the pain in my groin area.I am still feeling the fallout of all of these things and it will take me quite a while to get over.I am going to need all the prayers and encouragement that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts daily.Please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this really difficult emotional time trying to get over the stresses and anxieties of the procedure that I had to go through yesterday.Please keep praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both do help keep me going in this struggle against this terrible SSA and also,to motivate me to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.I know that I keep repeating this,but it is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments of any kind,especially encouraging ones,are rare.When visiting or just being curious,please leave me an encouraging word or two.I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ