Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
Today,it was another rainy type of day.This time,I had to get out and do some necessary shopping that needed to get done.I was couped up in the house yesterday as a result of a rainstorm that we had.Today,it was only a minor rainfall,but I had to get out.
Today,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed and after that,I headed over to a local bargain outlet store to see if they had anything that I was looking for,which they didn't.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the ups and downs of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was awakened by yet another erection in the wee early morning hours and again,I was tempted to masturbate the erection away,though it didn't last very long.I had to get up and use the bathroom anyway,so I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.After I was finished,the erection was fully softened and I went right back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals to sexual images of men while I was still in bed trying to get back up,though still feeling tired.Fortunately for myself,I managed to stop myself before it went too far and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him by giving into this particular temptation.Throughout the rest of the day,I was constantly tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have in many ways,shapes and forms.I get tempted to lust,fantasize and also,to manipulate my genitals to these things,especially when sexual images of men start clouding my mind whenever I am feeling tired or feeling lonely.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home whenever that particular temptation comes around rather than go out and feed it as acting out,no matter what form it takes,will never give me what I truly need and/or want.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all through the day as these terrible temptations kept coming at me.I prayed and asked for strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations that kept coming at from all sides and after I was finished,I felt much stronger and truly knew and believed that God and Christ were there to strengthen me and get me through the worst.I am also again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please keep up in praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I am really in desperate need of prayer as I am being attacked from all sides by these terrible temptations.I also again ask that all of you who follow my blog to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as I really need some encouraging words right now.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but rarely leave a comment of any kind.Please don't be shy when visiting and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I only ask these things because your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also motivate me to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.I don't want to feel this way anymore.I seek support and encouragement in my healing and when visitors don't post anything encouraging,I feel that I am all alone here and I don't want to feel that way.Please pray for me and also,please leave me an encouraging and supportive comment when you do visit my blog.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I am also planning to go see a movie at the local bargain movie theater in my hometown.As for the rest of the day,I just might sit down and take it easy.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ