Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I had only a couple things on my agenda for today.I first went to a local bargain outlet store to pick up some cereal as I ran out of it today.After paying for that,I proceeded to drop off some newspapers at a few people's homes in the area that I knew.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the cereal that I bought away and I was hoping to relax and catch up on some reading that I had been putting off,but had to babysit for my niece while she went to workI watched her kids until her live in boyfriend came home from work.When he did,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I fixed my evening meal.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular and difficult struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.This shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and it does make me feel only a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection,but it didn't last very long.I started sitting up and that is what made the erection soften and after a while of sitting up,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to sleep when they were.Though I did escape this episode,I did give into two later temptations when I,at two separate intervals in the morning,manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,there was lusting and fantasizing with other men involved with this fall as well.I asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for falling and I did feel better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that my sin was forgotten.I was tempted throughout the day to act out in many ways,such as fantasies,lusting and also,to manipulate my genitals to these lustful and fantasy images of men.I asked my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I know that lust is sinful and must not be fed in any way.I also have to show these lustful thoughts and desires that I own them and not they owning me.I kept up in prayer all day as I went through these terrible lustful images and thoughts.The more resistance that I put up,the more stronger the lust becomes and I must remain strong.I have to keep asking my Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ,his son,to keep giving me strength to fight and resist these temptations.While I am doing this and trying to rely more on God than on my own strength,I am again asking that all of you to continue to pray for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time and also,that none of you be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but comments are rare.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ