Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and since I had nothing to do today,I simply stayed home and caught up on some my reading.After doing a little bit of reading,I did a little work around the house and when that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at other times,by the minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply take this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father,pray about it in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.This shows me that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection and this time,the urge to masturbate it away was really overwhelming.I turned to the opposite side of the bed while staying in bed and though it was slow,the erection softened and I went right back to sleep.Throughout the rest of the day,I tried to keep busy at home by doing things around the house and cleaning up here and there to try and keep my mind off of anything sexual with men.Though it has been sporadic,I have been tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men and at times,it has made me give into the temptation of manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I am really serious about wanting to heal from this terrible condition and I really don't want to fall again.The temptation to act out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have can be very overwhelming and very difficult to resist.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me as I am going through this really difficult time and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of my weekly spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen afterwards,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ