Tonight,my rocky road to recovery still continues moving onward,despite some setbacks.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to my usual spirituality group,which went well.After that,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed and caught up on some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery has been moving onward.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal and struggle with as it keeps getting tougher and tougher by the day.If having to deal and struggle with BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult to deal with.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with and endure the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply pray hard about this struggle and I talk to my Heavenly Father about it in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and also,they both help keep me on a normal level plain.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel only a little bit better as I still have to contend with the varied and complex emotional patterns of this psychiatric double whammy that I have.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am going to say some things here and I am going to be very blunt and honest in regards to this.I have given into temptation three times this week.Yes,I have fallen and though it has made me miserable,I do truly believe that I have been forgiven by my Heavenly Father as I truly believes that he does forgive in an extremely huge way and through the power of his son Jesus Christ,I know that my slate of sins has been wiped clean.The reason why I have been falling so much this week is because I have been very overly anxious lately in regards to finding a new job.I have put in many applications online and in person and so far,I haven't received any calls for an interview.I have been trying and waiting in vain to find work and keep hoping that I get a call to come in for an interview at any/all of the places that I have applied.This anxiety that I have been feeling is behind my three consecutive falls this week as I fell again in the late afternoon yesterday.I am not saying that the anxiety is excusing it,but it is behind why I have been falling so much as of late.Again,I am not saying that it excuses the failings,but that they motivated them.I am really in desperation in regards to looking for a new job as I love to work hard for my money and be dedicated in doing the hard work that I am assigned.It is just that I love to work and I am hoping something comes soon.Today,I was tempted minimally,but I did pray for strength to fight and resist these minimal temptations,but temptation is still temptation no matter how minimum or maximum it can be.Tomorrow,I am going to go to a place where I applied online and submit a hand written application to them as I called them yesterday and I asked about the status of my application as I did apply online and they simply advised me to come into their office and fill out an hand written one as well.I am going to make copies of my resume so I can something to staple onto the application and I am also going to staple a business card of the job placement counselor that has been working with me.I know that I shouldn't be overly anxious about things as the Holy Bible advises those who are believers not be to be overly anxious,but I am a human being and I do have anxieties of every kind.I am not only human,but also imperfect,and I do sin and fall short from time to time.I mean,just because I am a believer and I do pray,and I do go to church each and every Sunday,doesn't mean that I an not infallible.I am still a fallible human being and I do and will fall short from time to time.The best thing about that is that my Heavenly Father is there to forgive me whenever I do.He forgives me in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I ask to be forgiven for sinning and falling short.Aside from the job hunting anxiety,I still get pressure from mental health professionals to go out and live the sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,but I already know that this is not what my Heavenly Father intended for anyone of us to live.Our Heavenly Father created male and female and we are all biologically hard-wired for male/female compatibility as anything else other than that is unacceptable to him.Our Heavenly Father doesn't recognize Homosexual/Gay sexual activity or anything connected with it.He only recognizes healthy and happy Heterosexuality and accepts no substitutes.I have to continue keeping that latter in mind day in and day out each and every day.It isn't easy,but I am still working on that and trying to keep my mind clear of any other alternative worldly thinking in the area of sexuality.To everyone who follows my blog and reads that posts,I am again asking that all of you keep up in prayer for me and also to please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.One of my blog followers and good friends has done that and I am extremely grateful to him for doing that.I am again asking that many other followers to do those very same things.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this struggle and make me even more determined to continue in overcoming this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of my followers for their prayers and their encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of going to file a hand written application at a place where I applied online,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ