Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply went out to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed and after paying for that,I headed for a local Salvation Army thrift store to look around,but didn't buy anything.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and caught up on some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to deal with schizophrenic tendencies at the same time.This psychiatric double whammy that I have is a really difficult thing to deal with as well as endure.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply bring this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father in prayer.I ask him to get me through in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me and keeping me level.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I turned to the opposite side and when that didn't work,I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed,which made the erection die down and I didn't lay back down until my genitals were fully soft.I went back to sleep after laying back down.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful things that are connected with SSA.I was tempted to watch online porn.I was also tempted to lust and fantasize after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals alongside that particular temptation because sexual images of men were flooding my mind.I also got tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I stayed home as I didn't want to feed that urge.I kept up in prayer to my Heavenly Father all day as these temptation kept coming at me.I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these urges as they came at me.I didn't want to fall again as I did three consecutive times this week,as I am still having anxiety over the whole situation of me looking for work,and not getting any calls from the places that I applied to for an interview.I have been making that a matter of prayer also and I keep praying about it constantly.While I have been doing that,I am also again asking that all of you keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I am also asking that all of you to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They also make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA,and to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I haven't made any other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ