Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and as usual,I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and decided to do a little bit of reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling daily with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which means that I also have hallucinatory effects to deal with,such as hearing sounds and/or voices that nobody else hears,but only I hear.This makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.Whenever this particular struggle tries to get the better of me,I simply take it to my Heavenly Father and ask him to carry me through all the effects of this psychiatric double whammy that I have and they both help in not only keeping me sustained,but on an even and level plain.I am never alone here in regards to this particular struggle and that makes me feel not only a tad better,but a little more at ease.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I tossed and turned to fight and resist this temptation,but that made the erection throb.I then proceeded to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom as I had to use it.When I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went right back to bed and subsequently to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies and lusting after other men.The SSA struggle is a very difficult one indeed and it never gets any easier.I get tempted to indulge in any sort of sexual activity day after day and believe me,it gets tougher by the day.I get tempted to look at porn,fantasize and to also go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them,but when that latter temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I kept up in prayer whenever any temptations come at me from all sides and I asked my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I felt much stronger after praying for strength and if the temptations come back,I pray again for the same thing.I always feel much better and much stronger after doing so.Though I have been keeping up in prayer all day and every day,I am still asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me as I am still going through this very difficult and trying emotional time.I am also asking that all of you to please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.I keep asking for encouraging words because my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rarely left by them.I need your prayers and your encouraging words to motivate me to keep going in this particular fight and struggle.They motivate me to continue in my journey to overcome and heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA that I struggle with.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ