Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda for today.
I first went to my spirituality group and that went as well as expected.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and finished my personal PC work.When that was done,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be like from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I ask my Heavenly Father to help get me through the difficulties of this particular struggle,this psychiatric double whammy that I have,in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell twice within a fifteen hour period.Last night,I gave into temptation by masturbating and yes,there was lusting and fantasizing of other men involved and I manipulated my genitals while those images were flashing through my mind and later on in the early afternoon,I fell again by the same thing again.I masturbated on both occasions after the genital manipulation.On both of these occurrences,I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning on both occasions and on the second fall,I asked for my Heavenly Father's mercy as I gave into the same thing again because I really felt terrible and worthless after that.I begged for my Heavenly Father's mercy to the point where tears fell from my eyes and I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him on both of these occurrences.I did feel better as I truly and totally knew and believed that I was truly forgiven for my sins and that my Heavenly Father wiped the slate clean and it gave me a pretty good feeling.These falls were terrible and I really felt bad after that,but I am forgiven and I am going to try and work on myself.Please fellow blog followers,I am again appealing to all of you to please keep praying for me as I am going through this difficult emotional and trying time.I need all the prayers that I can get.I also could use some words of encouragement as I am going through this terribly emotional and trying time.Please leave me a word of encouragement or two in the comments section.Please do so as I am in desperate need of some verbal encouragement right now.I need to know that many of my fellow strugglers are behind me a whole 100% and I really could use the encouragement right now.Your prayers and your encouragement do indeed keep me going in this fight and struggle and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to motivate me to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.I need both prayerful and emotional support from positive encouragement from everyone who also struggle with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for being there and also,for all that they do as well as provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of returning some bottles that have accumulated in my back seat,I have really nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ