Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and before doing my personal PC work,I decided to check out a block sale that was in the area where I lived.
I didn't find anything that I was hoping to look for,so I decided to head straight home and when I got home,I did my personal PC work and I decided to proceed with the rest of the day.
After putting a small amount of gas in my gas tank,I decided to head over to a Salvation Army thrift store in another area of the peninsula where I lived.I found a few things and bought them and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and decided to clean my bathtub as it really needed some cleaning.After that was finished,I relaxed and caught up on some reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next within the same day.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate constantly and I never know what to expect on how I will feel at any day,or at other times,at any minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father,the only one and true God,and his son,the Lord and savior,Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply bring this particular struggle to my Heavenly Father and ask him,in the name of his son Jesus Christ,to get me through all the negatives that this psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with gives me at times.They both help in not only sustaining me,but also help keep me on a calm and level plain.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom as usual and I got up out of bed to use it and when I was finished,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to bed and subsequently back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in same sex fantasies and lusting of other men and also,I was tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting then near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping to these negative sexual images of men.I prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked him for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ and also,to help make me stronger than the unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA struggle that I am still struggling with day after day.I needed to be strong so I wouldn't fall into sin like I did twice this week.I prayed real hard to my Heavenly Father as I didn't want to fall into sin and also,I didn't want to displease him by looking at things that I am not supposed to look at,which was what I was also tempted to do.I prayed real hard and really asked my Heavenly Father for strength to fight and resist these urges and after I finished praying each time,I felt much stronger and also,felt better as I truly knew and believed that my Heavenly Father heard me and gave me what I asked for.Though I have been keeping up in prayer myself,I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read the posts that I write to please continue to pray for me as I am going through this rough emotionally trying time.My moods and/or emotions have been fluctuating between negative and frustrating things that have been happening in my life,such as my car failing the week before and also,the anxiety that I have been experiencing as a result of my niece's complicated medical problems and also,my stress and frustration over trying to find a job as I feel that I am not getting anywhere in my search for employment and I really need to find work as I am really desperate to find work.Please keep me in your prayers as I am going through this frustrating and stressful time that I am having,which is making my moods and/or emotions fluctuate constantly.I also ask that you don't be shy and leave me some encouraging words as I also need some words of encouragement alongside your prayers.Nobody who visits my blog leaves any comments,as I truly need some words of encouragement.Please leave me a word or two of encouragement alongside your prayers.Your prayers and your positive words of encouragement both help keep me going in this particular struggle and that makes me even more determined to continue in my determination to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my journey to heal from the wounds that caused me to have these terrible unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA condition.Thanks in advance to all of my followers for your continued prayerful support and your positive encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I really don't have anything planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ