Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first went to a local supermarket's customer service desk to pay on the electric bill.After that,I turned some bottles and cans in that had accumulated in the back seat of my car and after that,I headed over to a nearby Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I really needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.As usual today,as it has been for the last few days,it was hazy hot and humid.I did everything in my power to try and stay cool,but I still sweated a lot and still felt hot.Right now,we are in the midst of a torrential and terrible thunderstorm.It is raining,thundering and windy.I was fortunate to have been in the house instead of being outside.Then again,after I did all that I had to do,I had really nothing else to do,but just stay in the house and take it easy.We are supposed to have rain tomorrow as well and I am just going to stay home and catch up on some much needed work that needs to be done around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at other times,from one minute/moment to the next.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggles seemingly gets way too difficult for me to handle.Whenever this particular struggle tries to get the better of me,I simply pray about it and throw it on him as a burden.I ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help get me through and to help me endure and they both help in sustaining me and also,they help keep me on a calm and level plain.I am never alone in this struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation late last night when I manipulated my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect,but it lead to orgasm and subsequent climax.It was also to sexual images of men that clouded my mind and I gave into the fantasizing and lusting of them.I really felt miserable after that and I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning.I also begged for his mercy as well as I was truly repentant.I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and again,I begged for his mercy.Though I did this,before I went to sleep last night,I talked with my Heavenly Father for over twenty minutes and I really poured my soul and myself out to him.I admitted everything that I had done and I left nothing out.I told my Heavenly Father everything that I had to tell him and after that over twenty minutes of prayer,I felt much better as I truly knew and believed that my Heavenly Father heard me and actually understood me.I actually felt something while praying last night and it gave me a wonderful feeling of reassurance.I also slept better last night as well.While I have done that and still continue to do so,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I really need all of your prayers and your encouraging to help keep me going in this struggle.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and also,they make me even more determined to continue in my determination to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday,I have really nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ