Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I watched a little TV and did my personal PC work.I also did a little bot of cleaning up around the house.
Today,I was at home much of the time as a result of it being a wet and rainy day.I also wasn't feeling too well as today marks it one year that my mom passed away.I was feeling a little depressed today as a result of this being the one year anniversary of her death.I am still adjusting to the loss and her absence.I also still find it hard to believe that she is no longer here.I miss her and I know that I always will.I am still feeling lonely as a result of her not being here.It was great to have her around as I had someone to talk to,but now,I am feeling alone and depressed as today,it is the one year anniversary of her death.
I tried to cope and move on with the day the nest way that I know how.I simply cleaned up here and there around the house.After that was done,I popped a video tape in the VHS part of my VCR/DVD combo and relaxed.
After my evening meal,I watched some more TV and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him,in the name of his son Jesus Christ,for strength to help me endure through the negative affects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with on a day to day basis.As a result of my prayers,I feel much calmer and more sustained.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation this morning by masturbating and there was lusting and fantasizing with other men involved with this as well.I really felt miserable and terrible after giving into this temptation and sinning.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ for sinning.After my prayer,I felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and that my Heavenly Father wiped the slate clean.I really hate that I am struggling with this terrible SSA and most of the time,I wished that I didn't struggle with it.I wished that I felt like a man.I mean,I wish that I can feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.Instead,as a result of my SSA struggles,I feel the opposite way.I am in really desperate need of prayers today.I am still going through a very rough and difficult emotional time and since this is the one year anniversary of my mother's death,it is actually getting worse as a result of that.I am feeling depressed and I am still feeling the absence of her and that is making my SSA struggles really difficult for me.Please pray for me and also,I would really appreciate some very encouraging and heartfelt words in the comments section.I need both very desperately.Please pray for me and also,please leave me an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement do help out a lot and they both also mean a lot to me.Please pray for me and don't forget to leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have church as usual.I am also invited out to dinner tomorrow at a friend's house and I am looking forward to that.I will also be relaxing and taking it easy when I get home afterwards.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ