Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair to good today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had only a couple of things to do today.
Today was a very rainy day and very chilly.I simply went out to do a couple of things that I needed to do.I first went over to my sister's house to pick up something that she had for me.After that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed for home.
On the way home,I was hoping to stop at a friends place to see how they were doing,but the storm clouds were getting worse and I headed straight home instead.It was a good thing that I decided to do just that because it did get worse.It actually started to hail and I was glad to get home before it got worse.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and popped a movie into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I also decided to pop another movie into the DVD player and I watched it.Overall,a pretty fair to good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.At times,the symptoms of BPD can really be stressful to deal with.The ups and downs of this emotional roller coaster ride can really stress a person out emotionally.At times,it really makes me feel down and at times,tired both physically and emotionally.Aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have to deal and endure with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.Whenever this particular struggle tries to really get me down and emotionally stress me out,I go to my Heavenly Father,throw this struggle on him as a burden and ask him for strength to help me endure through the negative affects in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I pray real hard and I ask him to get me through it all as the struggle of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I have can be very difficult.They both help in sustaining me and also,help make me feel more at ease.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came at me again during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection.This was also a throbbing one at that.I immediately got out of bed and started to walk around.Though it was slow going,the erection softened as I was up and about in the house.I didn't go back to bed until my genitals were fully soft.I went right back to bed and subsequently back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode and since I didn't get out much due to the day being rainy,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in sinful sexual fantasies and lusting of other men.I really had to fight these urges as they were coming at me from all sides.I was also tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully chose to stay home rather than give into that particular urge.As I said,the SSA struggle is a very complicated and difficult one indeed.I am always fighting the urge to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and it never gets any easier.Fortunately for me,I didn't fall,but there is always tomorrow and the day after that and so on.I tried to stay busy with other things around the house,but still,the urges kept coming and at times,they can be very overwhelming.Though I have been praying when these urges come,I also need prayers continuously from all of my fellow blog followers and readers.I also need some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.Please leave me some words of encouragement in the comments section as I really need both of these desperately.Prayers and positive verbal encouragement are very powerful positive and holy weapons and they do work in many ways.They help keep me going.They also help keep me strong and also,make me more determined and motivated to continue on and continue to see the light at the end of the tunnel.They also give me hope and assurance.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my usual Thursday morning spirituality group and an evening bible study,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ