Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and was hoping to go to the monthly Men's Network meeting,but the roads were really covered up with snow and I really had a hard time trying to control my car while driving,though I was going as carefully slow as I could,but couldn't keep it straight.As a result of this,I headed straight home and when I got there,I e-mailed the group leader explaining why I couldn't make it as a result of the weather and the roads and I am hoping that he understands.
I simply did my personal PC work and I relaxed for a while.
In the early afternoon,I headed over to my niece's house to babysit her kids for a few hours.The kids were well behaved and all and after my niece came home,I headed over to a local pizzeria to but a small personal pizza for dinner as it was a little too late for me to cook anything.After getting that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I at my personal pizza and relaxed for the rest of the evening.Overall, a pretty fair day,though I did accomplish reading some recommended Holy Bible chapters.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in this difficult struggle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It is bad enough that my moods and/or emotions vary by the day or by the minute/moment,but I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I talk to God about this in his son Christ Jesus' name and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I tossed and turned until the erection softened and when it did,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect or near the point of orgasm and stopping and there was lusting involved as well.I stopped myself and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and after the prayer,I felt better as I believed that I was forgiven.I had to keep up in prayer all day to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as temptation kept coming at me left and right.The struggle with SSA is a very difficult one indeed and temptation can come at anyone who struggles with SSA when least expected.I get tempted constantly to act out on the unnatural desires that I have and I have to keep fighting them and resisting to act out on them constantly.I kept throwing every temptation on God and asked him for strength to fight and resist all these temptations in the name of his son Christ Jesus.I always felt better when I did so and I am now going to try and make it a habit to keep throwing every temptation on God in the name of his son Christ Jesus and keep asking him for the strength to help me fight and resist all of these temptations.I am also again asking that all of you who continually follow and read my blog posts to continue praying for me and also,don't be shy when visiting and please share an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that both prayers and encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.It is just that my blog gets plenty of visitors and/or possibly curious types,but I usually never get any encouraging words.Please leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section when visiting and also,please keep up in prayer for me as I really need all the prayers that I can get from those who follow and read my blog.Thanks in advance to all of you for all of your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual in the morning,including the Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ