Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
In the midst of doing all of this,I received a couple of phone calls.One from my dad and another from someone I worship with in church.
I really didn't have too much to do.I checked out my trunk and sorted out all the empty cans and bottles that I had that were loose and after putting them back in the garbage bag,I headed for a local supermarket to turn them in and it was a few extra dollars for me.After that was done,I headed for a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something that I needed for dinner.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.My moods and/or emotions fluctuate from time to time on a daily basis,or at other times,from minute/moment to minute/moment within the same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular with God,put in his hands,in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is simply a matter of letting God and Christ take the lead and have them keep me calm and serene on a proper spiritual level and also,to help me endure through the whole thing.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I tossed and turned repeatedly to try and soften my genitals,but that only made them throb more.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and that made my genitals start to soften.After using the bathroom,which is why I got up and out of bed,my genitals were fully soft and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I gave into a later temptation by lusting and fantasizing with other men and I also manipulated my genitals to these sexual images of men that clouded my mind.These images were really intense and I also imagined myself doing all sorts of things with them.I stopped myself and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me my sins and I really prayed hard to God for forgiveness for these sins and after I was finished,I felt better truly believing that I was forgiven and I moved on with the rest of the day.I was also tempted throughout the day to indulge in fantasies,lusting and also,to look at pornography online.I kept up in prayer to God all day in the name of his son Jesus Christ to keep giving me strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations as they kept coming at me.I kept up and never ceased praying.I did feel better and much stronger after praying.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.While I have been doing this,I am also again asking for everyone who continually follows my blog and reads my posts to continue in prayer for me as I am going through this difficult emotional time.I am also asking that all of you who visit to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave any comments.I ask these things because your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my goals to overcome this terrible SSA and also,to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ