Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed for my monthly Men's Network meeting,which I was looking forward to with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was all over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a nearby gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD and it's complications.The emotional roller coaster ride can really tire a person out and at times,it seems pretty unbearable and also seems way too overwhelming.It is never an easy thing to put up with and at times,I wish that I didn't have to put up with this,but I know that I have to and I simply handle and endure this the only way that I know how.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing too rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation by lusting and fantasizing with other men.I also manipulated my genitals with these sexual images until the point of orgasm and I masturbated the rest of the way.I really felt miserable after this and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for this fall and I asked for God to show me his mercy as this was the fourth fall that I made this week.I have been very overwhelmed as of late by my medical concerns and also,by comments that I left on a particular blog site where I was sharing the truth about Homosexuality and what God's word had to say about it.The comments that I made were viciously attacked by other participators and the administrators of the website removed my comments and the reason given was that my comments were "Fundamentalist fanatic propaganda."This really angered me as we are supposed to be living in a country that is supposed to be a democracy and as a result of that,we have the right of freedom of speech,including the right to express ourselves and what we truly believe in wholeheartedly when it comes to being spiritual,which freedom of religion supports,and also,how we feel about certain controversial areas,such as Homosexuality and what the Holy Bible has to say about it.The removal of those comments,and subsequently being put on comment moderation as a result of the comments that I made that showed the truth,violated my constitutional rights and it gave the impression of communism rather than democracy.They also accused me of being unloving and hateful,which I wasn't.I was trying to express the truth in the utmost sincerity and Christian love to them,but they took my words the wrong way and attacked me left and right and they were subsequently removed.I am not expecting that everyone has to embrace the truth and accept it as it is.But these people are trying to justify the sinful practices associated with Homosexuality and tried to make them seem that God accepts it as legit and it isn't as sinful as it is made out to be.Those words are wrong because the Holy Bible says that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong,inappropriate and sinful.It also says that all forms of sexual immorality is sinful as well.But again,I am not expecting that everyone has to accept the truth,but please don't condemn people who share it and ask questions that are of a nature where you would like to learn more and listen to when somebody provides back-up for their reasoning,even if it is from the Holy Bible.This has really put my emotions in a tailspin and I need the help and support of everyone who follows and reads my blog to support and encourage me in this complex emotional time.I need your prayers desperately as I am going through all of this and also,I am also in desperate need of encouraging words in the comments section.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy in leaving an encouraging word or two for me.As stated,your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and also,to continue in my journey in overcoming SSA and to continue my healing journey from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,including the morning's Holy Bible study class,I have really no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ