Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and I headed over to my Men's Network meeting.
The meeting was wonderful and I got a lot out of it.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a nearby Salvation Army thrift store and found some really nice things there.After that,I went to a nearby Dollar Tree store to check out and see if they had anything that I was looking for,but they didn't,and I went to the public library and did a little bit of computer work and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store and found exactly what I was looking for there.After paying for these things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work and while doing that,I listened to an online sermon.After that was done,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.The emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD can be pretty tiresome and monotonous,but I am hanging in there and still alive.My moods and/or emotions can go from up and feeling good one day or one minute/moment and at times,down and feeling not so good the next day or minute/moment.If that wasn't bad enough,I also have hallucinations at times.At times,I hear footsteps that nobody else hears and at other times,hearing voices calling me and seeing that on both occasions that nobody is there.As I said,it can get pretty monotonous and tiresome at times and I wish that I didn't have to go through any of these things.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply take it to my Heavenly Father whenever this struggle tries to wear me down and I ask him to help me endure in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help me in keeping me sustained and also,they keep me on a healthy and normal plain.It shows that I am not alone here and that is great.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I manipulated my genitalia until it ejaculated and yes,there was also lusting and fantasizing with other men involved with this as well.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel better after doing so.I was also again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and that is what softened my genitals and when they were fully soft,I went back to bed and to sleep.Throughout the rest of the day,I was tempted throughout the day to indulge in Homosexual/Gay themed lusting and fantasies and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of attaining near/full erection and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I didn't want to fall and sin again like I did late last night.I did keep up in prayer to my Heavenly Father all day and kept asking for strength in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I did feel a measure of strength as I did so.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to please continue in prayer for me and also,I am again asking that all of you please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as I do need some words of encouragement to help keep me going in this fight and struggle alongside your prayers.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please leave an encouraging word or two for me when you visit.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for all that they do to help out and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ