Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up real quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I even had the opportunity to do another reading from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation today.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into my home suit.I did my personal PC work and I relaxed for the rest of the afternoon.
After eating,I watched a movie that I popped into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that does make my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help me endure through the negative effects of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.They both help in sustaining me and keeping me much calmer.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I again gave into temptation yet again by masturbation.Yes,there was lusting and fantasizing with other men involved in this latest fall as it was yesterday.I really felt terrible when this happened as I felt that I really seriously sinned against my Heavenly Father as a result of this latest fall.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me and I begged for his mercy in the name of his son Jesus Christ.I left nothing out as I prayed to him and I really poured myself out to him.After praying,I felt much better and I knew and truly believed that my Heavenly Father forgave me for my sins and washed the slate clean after doing so.I simply moved on with the rest of the day as it went along.I was home the rest of the day after coming home as I really didn't have much to do.I simply stayed home and took it easy and just watched a movie.Because of my latest fall,I need to keep my mind focused on positive,healthy and holy thoughts.I need to get my mind off of anything sexual pertaining to men and focus on positive and holy thoughts about men.I need to keep in mind that men were made simply to be friends with each other in the forms of friendship,bonding and healthy authentic connections,and not for selfish purposes,such as all forms of sexual activity associated with the so called "Homosexual/Gay" culture and lifestyle.I have to keep saying to myself that I am a man and a male and that male is both my gender identity and my sexual identity.The thing with "Homosexual/Gay" is that it is a simply a label and at the same time,a false identity.Why is this particular identity false?It is because our Heavenly Father at the beginning of things created man and later created woman as a companion and compliment to him.Our Heavenly Father approves only of happy and healthy Heterosexuality as he created man and woman for that reason.Heterosexuality is the true human sexual identity and not Homosexuality,which also includes Bisexuality,which like "Homosexuality/Gay" is as much a false identity as "Homosexual/Gay" is.I have to continually keep in mind that our creator,who is our Heavenly Father and sovereign Lord,only approves of man and woman having sexual activity and relations with each other in the bonds of holy marriage,which is a very sacred thing to our Heavenly Father as he only approves of men and woman marrying each other and having relations with only each other.Our Heavenly Father never intended sexuality to be used and abused in the way that the rest of the world is using and abusing sexuality at this particular moment.To my fellow blog followers,I really need prayers real bad.Please continue praying for me as I am still going through a very difficult emotional time.I also desperately need some positive words of encouragement from all of you.I need both prayers and positive verbal encouragement from all of you.I am in desperate need of both of these things.They both help keep me going in this particular fight and struggle.They both help strengthen my determination to keep going in this struggle and to continue in overcoming it and my motivation to continue in my journey to heal from the unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Please fellow followers,I desperately need both your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks to advance to all of you for your prayers and your positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ