Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I didn't have too much to do today since it was raining.I only went out once and that was going to the nearby Salvation Army thrift store to buy a new lamp as the one that I have in my living room quit working on me.After paying for that lamp,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I plugged the lamp in and it is great to have a working lamp again.After that,I just relaxed and took it easy for the rest of the day as it was raining today and there really isn't much to do when it rains.I also watched a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I did a little bit more personal PC work and I also watched a little TV.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply throw this particular struggle on my Heavenly Father as a burden.I ask him,in the name of his son Jesus Christ,to help me endure through the negatives of this particular psychiatric double whammy that I struggle with.It is never easy having to struggle with this psychiatric double whammy that I have,but my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ fully understand and are always there to help.They both help in sustaining me and also keep me much calmer and level.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that does make me feel a tad better.Thanks to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural sexual desires that I have.I actually gave into temptation by "near masturbation" and yes,there was lusting and fantasizing of other men involved with this occurrence.I really felt miserable when this happened.I really felt terrible as I feel that I am failing miserably in my quest to overcome this terrible SSA.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for sinning.I asked him in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning against him and for falling short of his law in regards to sexuality.I prayed real hard and I left nothing out,I bared all verbally and left nothing out as I prayed.I did feel better after I was finished praying and I truly knew and believed that I was forgiven.I still need help from my fellow strugglers who continually read my blog.Please pray for me.I need prayers.I also need positive words of encouragement desperately.I am still going through a very difficult emotional time and I really need all the prayers and positive verbal encouragement that I can get.Please continue praying for me.Please don't be shy and leave me positive words of encouragement in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words do help keep me going.They both strengthen my determination to overcome this terrible SSA and my motivation to continue in my healing journey to heal from these unwanted and unnatural sexual desires that I have that are connected with this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayers and continued positive verbal encouragement.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ